Football and my Dad

My Dad loved football. My brothers played starting at about age 10. Jim had to stop due to his hearing aids. Mark and Steve played a few more years but none made it into high school teams. However, on Monday nights and Sunday's the tv was dialed into a game. It didn't matter who was playing, though he was partial to the Pennsylvania Steelers (me too). I knew the difference between a touchdown and a touchback. I knew what a safety was and the value of a good place kicker. I wasn't a member of the church then so Sunday football wasn't taboo. When I joined the church, I stopped watching football on Sunday's. Later I married and to be honest, we couldn't afford cable so I didn't watch it then either. I've still loved the game, especially when Dallas or the Steelers were playing. None of my sons were interested in the game so for a long time it's been a memory. Tonight I watched a wonderful movie called "My All-American". It is a movie based on the life of Freddie Steinmark. He played college ball for the Texas Longhorns. He was an incredible player and man. He was a good man. During the movie, I felt my Dad. The feeling of him being next to me was so overwhelming I broke into tears. It has been a long time since I watched a game with my Dad, even if it was a movie of football. It was a tender moment. I've had experiences like this one before, with my Mom and with my Nana and my brother Steve. I know that the veil between this world and the spirit world is thin. I know that they are aware of us and if we paying attention, sometimes we can become aware of them too. Those are special occasions, moments to be treasured and remembered. They remind me of what is to come, an eternity with family. I'm sure my Dad's version of heaven includes football. One day I'll find out for myself. Until then, I'll do my best to keep my covenants, keep my faith and to live a good life, one that I'd be pleased to report to my parents about one day.

Faith

They say it's a small as a mustard seed, that it is something you can feel but not see. They say that it precedes the miracle. In Alma 32:21 it states, "And now as I said concerning faith- faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true. You hope for that which you can't see, feel, touch, or taste. Yet you do it anyway. You do it because the Holy Ghost has born witness to you that there is a God, that he is MY Heavenly Father. That his son, Jesus Christ laid down his life for ME. That knowledge flows through my veins. More than ever, it illuminates my heart and mind with peace and assurance that he is with me, in the details of my life. That he is mindful of my needs, wants and weaknesses. Life ebbs and flows. I've always known of God. My parents taught me about him as a child. While I saw goodness in their faith, it lacked "power". I was introduced to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints while in high school. I look back and think it was nothing short of a miracle that I found the church, or maybe it found me. I do know that when I heard the gospel, preached by two young men, that my heart burned with the truth of it. My discipleship hasn't always been true and faithful. Perhaps that is why I appreciate Christ's atonement so much. I know that he has paid the price for my sin, omissions, commissions and everything in between. I love him and I know he loves me. As a parent, I've watched as some of my children have embraced the gospel and others haven't. I'm reminded that my own parents much have experienced the same thing. I'm also reminded that Father in heaven has also seen the same amongst his children. His example is one of unconditional love and acceptance; not necessarily of the choices our children are making but most assuredly of our children. I'm renewing my temple recommend tonight. My spirit longs to be in the House of the Lord again. It feels like I imagine heaven will feel like, white, light, love and peace, full of smiling faces. My heart is drawn out to those who don't know God or his son. Because I know him, I know that I can face anything in this world because I'm promised a reunion with him in the next world. There was a country song a few years back that talked of this being our temporary home, it really is. Our purpose is to learn of God, make and keep sacred covenants and to do all we can to help others to do the same thing. If we do this, we choose happiness.

Opposition in all things

This morning I went on a three mile walk. I've been doing HIIT workouts and was still sore so thought a walk would provide a nice change and stretch. While I walk, I listen to General Conference talks. This morning the one that stood out to me was Elder Oaks talk from the April 2016 conference titled, "Opposition in All Things.". He states in that talk, "Wherefore,” the Father said, “because that Satan rebelled against me, … I caused that he should be cast down” (Moses 4:3) with all the spirits who had exercised their agency to follow him (see Jude 1:6; Revelation 12:8–9; D&C 29:36–37). Cast down as un-embodied spirits in mortality, Satan and his followers tempt and seek to deceive and captivate the children of God (see Moses 4:4). This hit me. Now bear with me a minute, because it requires some explanation. We believe that God being just, loves all of his children, provides a way for all to hear, accept and have the necessary ordinances done entitling them to return to his presence. For those who have died without that opportunity, the work is done vicariously. Meaning someone alive does it for someone who is now dead. Ok, now back to my morning epiphany. Elder Oaks says,"Satan's followers tempt and seek to deceive and captivate the children of men." The thought that came to my mind and heart was that because they will never have bodies of flesh and bones, they live vicariously through us when we succumb to temptation and are deceived. Whoa! I'm still thinking about it. As we yield to Satan and turn away from the light and life of Christ, we become Satan's followers if only for a short time. I don't know about you, but I don't ever want to be recognized as one of Satan's anything. So that leads me into the next talk that touched me. Elder Holland's talk, "Tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you." It coupled nicely with Elder Oaks's talk. "Only the adversary, the enemy of us all, would try to convince us that the ideals outlined in general conference are depressing and unrealistic, that people don’t really improve, that no one really progresses. And why does Lucifer give that speech? Because he knows he can’t improve, he can’t progress, that worlds without end he will never have a bright tomorrow. He is a miserable man bound by eternal limitations, and he wants you to be miserable too. Well, don’t fall for that. With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed." This is what it is all about. This points out that we have two voices at all times in our heads, the Spirit, or Holy Ghost, whose roll is to testify of truth, comfort, guide and communicate God's will to us and Satan, who as Elder Holland points out, "wants you (me) to be miserable too." I choose to listen the spirit. It comes as a still small voice, which means we must provide opportunity to hear it. That means making sure we pause after our prayers to see if God is going to answer straight way. It also means having quiet times throughout the day, providing opportunity for the spirit to convey God's answers and direction to us. I am far from perfect. Throughout my life, my experiences with deity bear witness that God is real, my literal Heavenly Father and that he loves me in an incomprehensible way. Like the Father, so is the Son. He demonstrated his love by atoning for our sins, overcoming physical death and providing us a way to return and live with him and the Father. My daily life now compromises reminders and pondering upon these things. Doing this brings me happiness, hope and increased faith. I choose happiness.

My morning......duh duh duh

Since I've been making better food choices, I thought it might also be a good idea to most exercise my body. I've tried various forms of exercise over the years. Running, aerobics, walking,water aerobics,various work out DVD's and the list continues. This morning while I was mulling over what I would do, a friend posted her work out. She is doing a beach body program. Beach body is a MLM fitness marketing company. They keep people interested by always introducing a new program every 3-6 months. She was doing something called 22 minute hard core. It is a HIIT workout. HIIT stands for high intensity interval training. It is tough. You do multiple reps of multiple types of exercise as fast as you can with short rest periods in between. Well that is supposed to the way it is done. Now I am going to be 58 in November and I weight 208lbs so you imagine how it looked. Go ahead. Me in the living room, curtains closed (I spared anyone else from the sight I'm now asking you to imagine. Go figure. The program consists of 7 exercises. I only knew how to do five. Instead of doing 7 exercises three times, I decided to do 5, five times. I did in place sprints, gorilla walks,straight leg in place sprints, mountain climbers, and jimmy jumps. You are supposed to do each exercise for one minute with 10 second rest breaks in between and 22 second breaks in between sets (after doing all five). Ok, I started by sprinting as fast as I could for 42 seconds, yep, not a minute but 42 seconds and I was gasping for oxygen. Breathing is important. Forget breathing I was sucking wind or trying to. I realized quickly I would not be able to do one set much less 5 if I went all out. I decided then that finishing was the goal, period. I'd do what ever it took to finish. That meant googling modifications. It also meant going fast but not too fast. Even doing that, I was rarely able to last the entire minute. I usually was sucking up oxygen by about 42-45 seconds. Remember that 10 second rest period? Well there were some episodes of lying down on the couch in between exercises and doing what ever it took to catch my breath. After round 2, I used my inhaler. I'm not exaggerating when I speak of sucking wind. I also decided rather quickly that the effort was taking up all I had and so I came up with a way to count my sets. The picuture is of books in our living room. After each set, I would pull a book out. No thinking required, just pull a book out after each set. I still can't believe I finished. It is now 8:05pm and I'm so tired, I'm in bed and when I complete this, I'll be asleep in minutes. I did a hard thing. I made a good choice and listened to the right voice in my head. I chose happiness. Goodnight.

Life and it's possibilities

The other day I had to take an assessment. We were reminded before hand that the results would notdefine us. Easier said then done. Have you ever had to do something like that? What were the results? Regardless of the effort and the repeated attempts, I failed in passing my assessment. I believe I was the only one to do so. I left in tears. The adversary immediately started to fill my head with lies. You are stupid, you were foolish to try, this is what you get for thinking you could waltz in and just master it and on and on. I called Lewis, my husband and shared my disappointment and despair, for that is what it was. I didn't want to talk about it anymore, it wasn't helping. So I ended the call. I arrived home and remembered that before I left that morning, I had chosen happiness. Yet, at that moment, I was feeling anything but. I remembered that it is all about choice. I could wallow, immerse myself in the despair and the lies orI could once again choose happiness. I wasn't surprised at my choice but with the ease and speed that I did it with. Could it be that making the choice and repeating it, makes it easier to make in the first place? The minute I thought the thought, "I choose happiness", the despair left, my heart was light, my world full of light. I choose happiness.

The beginning but really the middle.....

Here I am almost fifty eight years old and I feel like I'm just starting to figure things out. Why now, I find myself asking the universe? Why not when I was eighteen and could have done things differently? Why not, as a new mother before I made all the mistakes? Why now? I don't have the answer. I just know that for some reason, things are clearer or more in focus now than they have ever been. I've been reflecting on life, my life, choices both good and bad that I have made. I've thought of a few isolated successes and found much more disappointment. Say what? Really? That is what I found myself thinking about. Was my life just a big mistake? There is a song we sing at church, "Have I done any good in the world today?", that is what I've been pondering. The good old master of lies has filled my head for the majority of my years telling me that I am a mistake. I am ugly, fat, ignorant, prideful, greedy, lustful, covetous, and I could continue but I won't. I had an epiphany. It is all about choice. No really, it is. Let me break it down for you. If I eat the entire bag of candy, I will feel like a failure and a fat pig. Hmmmm but if I choose not to, I won't. Choice, it seems rather easy don't you think? Why didn't this occur to me years ago? I don't have that answer. All I do know is that it did occur to me now. Life is a choice, happiness is a choice, God is a choice, love is a choice. How will I feel if I do .....? Let's see, I know there are consequences to choices but I've never internalized that to mychoices. I don't have to be depressed, unhappy, or anything else if I don't want to. I choose happiness. So, what does that mean? Have I changed over night? After all, it's been three days now. Am I changed? Yes. Is it visible? I don't know. How do I feel? HAPPY!!! What? It can't be that easy! I hear you saying it, as I type. But I testify it is true. Men are that they might have joy. That doesn't mean an occasional good day, that means peace and happiness amongst the chaos we call life. Three days. That isn't a change. Really? I can't tell you the last time in my life I have felt joy, pure happiness, for three days straight. Alright I thought of a time, my honeymoon. I digress, that was almost thirty one years ago. Three days. Seventy two hours, and I still feel that way. I've been eating better. I know that I will regret eating certain things or quantities, so I choose not to. Why? Because I choose to be happy. I'm reading and praying - often. I'm listening after I pray, waiting for that still small voice that I've heard before. I'm finding myself full of gratitude. I seem to notice just how loved and blessed not only I am but those around me, and those I know and love. My heart seems to see sometimes even before my eyes do, when someone is suffering or hurting or lonely. I'm trying to let them know that I see them. More importantly, I've been them. I'm not sure how long my mortal existence will be, but I do know this, for its remainder, I choose happiness.